For almost two years now I've been trying to deal with the feeling of rejection from my biological mother. I still feel extremely blessed to have found her because, it did inform me so much about myself and I got to meet a huge extended family through her. But, I still haven't figured out how to get past that feeling. As I have been reading other donor conceived blogs, and read about other donor conceived going through similar experiences or being rejected before they even got to meet their parent and or siblings it reminds me that I'm not alone. That this is just another one of the pits for third party reproduction for some of us.
My relationship with my biological mom deteriorated after some time, and the loss and rejection that I felt was extremely deep. I've tried to maintain hope that time may mend fences, but alternately trying to accept the fact that I'm not entitled to a relationship with anyone, and just to cherish the people in my life who I do have.
In life we all have relationships that end romantic relationships, friendships etc. I know that time heals those wounds, but I don't know that time is going to heal this. Are there any donor conceived out there who have been in this situation and have made it to the other side? I would love to hear from you.
I am sperm 'donor' conceived. I found my biological father but he also rejected me. I would like to invite you to join www.DonorChildren.com. I will add your blog to the www.DonorChildren.com/Resources page now. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteDonorChildren is a free social network for the 'donor' community. We're connecting the community, acting as a support network, as well as a significant resource for helping people collaborate and find their biological family. Creating groups significantly increases your chance for success! Thanks for sharing us with others. :)
I just realized who you are and you are a member! :P
DeleteThanks Matt :) Going to send you a pm on facebook. IT's hard to keep up with all the usernames online.
DeleteChildren are never given a voice in this country as to the decisions, policies and behaviors that have and will directly effect them. This is because people really don't want to hear. Therefore they vilify and block out the voices of the adults who try to advocate for the best interests of children and their lives. Most adults care only about themselves and what's best for them. Its never thought through only what's good for the adults involved. No consideration is given to the well being of the child. I hope you resolve your situation and find the peace and closure you're looking for in this life. May God bless you in your journey and keep you well.
DeleteDear Ms. Kern, Thank you so much for your work. I just read about you today and am so excited that you are speaking out bravely. Although I had to cancel my attendance at this conference, I hope that you will be able to go. I think your presence is badly, badly needed at this moment in history. Please check it out. Thank you again for your work. http://www.iss.nl/research/conferences_and_seminars/periodic_conferences_debates_and_seminars/international_forum_on_intercountry_adoption_global_surrogacy/
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your encouraging words and support. :)
DeleteHi, I'm a Culpeper-based reporter with LifeSiteNews.com hoping to interview your for a piece I'm doing on the children of surrogacy. Please contact me at kandersen at lifesitenews dot com at your earliest convenience if you're willing to be interviewed. I am also reaching out to you on Facebook, so check your "other" message folder. Thank you so much ...
ReplyDeleteHello, Sending an email to you now. Thank you
DeleteInterview *you.* Sorry for the typo!
ReplyDeleteHello I am a search angel who helps separated families of all kinds find lost members and I am (seems like) the only one that has been vocal about helping families separated by parents who abandoned their children in accordance with the terms of private contracts for custody and control of their offspring like gamete donation/embryo donation/traditional surrogacy contracts.
ReplyDeleteI do what I do for free out of love in my heart and a recognition of a horrible injustice that is being done to people and their family members.
Hello Marilynn,
DeleteI was interested in connecting with you. I would love to put up a blog post with your information on it for other "donor" conceived people to be able to get in touch with you. My e-mail is jakiam83@gmail.com.
Thank you,
Jess
You said that you are not entitled to a relationship with anyone and I would like you to understand that your wrong. You are not an illogical person your sense of loss an anguish is justified. Everyone else whose parents are not surrogates and donors ARE ENTITLED to a legally documented recorded relationship with their biological parents and are entitled to their physical care and support while they are minors its the law - it has to be who else can minors rely upon for care if not the people who brought them into this world?
ReplyDeleteIf your mother went through the adoptive process and formally relinquished you rather than abandoning you - then the system failed to protect you as a human being from being trafficked and sold by your biological mother. She could have and should have remained your mother responsible for raising you in conjunction with your father and his wife in her role as step mother. There was no need it did not serve you to be relinquished by her - she posed you no eminent danger and there was nothing wrong with her that she could not care for you. Such adoptions should not be allowed as they objectify the minor as property to be offloaded. Millions of families all around you had separated parents and step parents all ordered by the courts to cooperate with custody and support orders in the best interests of the minors at issue.
ReplyDeleteThat's what you get for trying to force your way into another person's life. The woman just donated an egg, she did not consent to be a mother and that is where you went wrong. What is wrong with the life you have with your real parents, did something happen there? What if you were never told about the egg donation would you be still as unhappy as you are today. You can choose to have a pity party or get on with your life and go about experiencing all that the world has to offer and stop lamenting what might have been.
ReplyDeleteA surrogate mother carries the baby and gives birth to the child. We are biologically linked, even over more than two generations, as research in epigenetics is revealing. It is a real mourning for those who begin to grasp the loss, and while we must not let it rule us, there us still a true loss to be reckoned with. Even if a birth mother does not "consent" to be a mother, the real issues of genetic psychological biology cannot be ignored or denied. There is usually not a "right" solution to this, but it is grievous that consideration for a future being's mental and psychological welfare is neglected.
DeleteHow is a baby biologically linked to the surrogate if the egg and sperm came 100% from the biological parents? My blood feeds the baby but we are not biologically linked. In fact the child would never know their bio mom didn't give birth if not told.
DeleteYou are talking about gestational surrogacy, not traditional surrogacy of which she is a product.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a product of surrogacy but I am a surrogate mother. All I can say is the bio parent who made the donation gave you life but they are not your parent. They never intended to be, they simply made it possible for you to live but the people who purchased the donar tissue are the parent. And you are so lucky to be hear. Do you know how many sperm are in one ejaculate? If you were not donated on that particular day by that particular person you would not exist. So much had to go right to make you. You were even more wanted and more unique than a normal pregnancy.
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ReplyDeleteHi! I am a IVF Specialist in India. I am new to your blog. So Sorry to hear about rejection from your biological mother. I know that some surrogates mothers in India experience difficult emotional and psychological issues over letting the baby go.
ReplyDeleteI'm a journalist in India and I'd like to get in touch with you. Could you please email your mail id to me at reenamartins@hotmail.com
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Hi, I'm a BBC producer working on a programme about Surrogacy in about 2 hours from now. I was wondering if you would share your story with us? We'd be really keen to hear how being a surrogate baby had impacted your life. You can get me either via email at Kerry.Alexandra@bbc.co.uk or on +44 7979 6555 65
ReplyDeleteHuge thanks
Kerry
Hi, I'm a BBC producer working on a programme about Surrogacy in about 2 hours from now. I was wondering if you would share your story with us? We'd be really keen to hear how being a surrogate baby had impacted your life. You can get me either via email at Kerry.Alexandra@bbc.co.uk or on +44 7979 6555 65
ReplyDeleteHuge thanks
Kerry
There is an understandable shortage of donors willing to harvest their eggs for use in egg donation for fertility treatment. However there is also a shortage of sperm donors and when you compare the two different means of obtaining the donations this seems quite strange. IVF and gender selection
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ReplyDeleteAre there any resources or information that explores the issue of resentment towards parents for bringing a child into the world, a child who may not know or be accepted by the bio mom or dad? Is it a common resentment?
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ReplyDeleteI’m daysi and I’ve lived with fertility problem, never being able to achieve a pregnancy at the age of 32, and was very depress and frustrated. I did all sort of things to get pregnant but all in vain, I latter found out i have some cells which have frozen and block my cervix as a result of having pre-cancerous condition and tubal Blocks. I went about living my life, traveling, learning, never realizing my fertility was dwindling, always confident I could have kids at any age any thought i can never have a child on my own, fortunately a friend directed me to a doctor called dr khalija who help me with fertility herbal supplement which i took and after surprisingly i got pregnant and now i am a mother of twins, If you are in the same situation and you need help you can contact Dr khalija, he can help in a lots problem like . herbs to give birth easily, hope you find this information useful spiritualdoctorkhalija@yahoo.com
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I’m Jessica and I’ve lived with fertility problem, never being able to achieve a pregnancy at the age of 32, and was very depress and frustrated. I did all sort of things to get pregnant but all in vain, I latter found out i have some cells which have frozen and block my cervix as a result of having pre-cancerous condition and tubal Blocks. I went about living my life, traveling, learning, never realizing my fertility was dwindling, always confident I could have kids at any age any thought i can never have a child on my own, fortunately a friend directed me to a doctor called Mallam Abudu who help me with fertility herbal supplement which i took and after surprisingly i got pregnant and now i am a mother of twins, If you are in the same situation and you need help you can contact Mallam Abudu, he can help in a lots problem like . herbs to give birth easily, hope you find this information useful mallamabuduspiritualhome@gmail.com
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