Quote from the "Son of a Surrogate" Blog

Quote from the "Son of a Surrogate" Blog

It looks to me like I was bought and sold. You can dress it up with as many pretty words as you want. You can wrap it up in a silk freaking scarf. You can pretend these are not your children. You can say it is a gift or you donated your egg to the IM. But the fact is that someone has contracted you to make a child, give up your parental rights and hand over your flesh and blood child. I dont care if you think I am not your child, what about what I think! Maybe I know I am your child.When you exchange something for money it is called a commodity.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Rejection

For almost two years now I've been trying to deal with the feeling of rejection from my biological mother. I still feel extremely blessed to have found her because, it did inform me so much about myself and I got to meet a huge extended family through her. But, I still haven't figured out how to get past that feeling. As I have been reading other donor conceived blogs, and read about other donor conceived going through similar experiences or being rejected before they even got to meet their parent and or siblings it reminds me that I'm not alone. That this is just another one of the pits for third party reproduction for some of us.
My relationship with my biological mom deteriorated after some time, and the loss and rejection that I felt was extremely deep. I've tried to maintain hope that time may mend fences, but alternately trying to accept the fact that I'm not entitled to a relationship with anyone, and just to cherish the people in my life who I do have.
In life we all have relationships that end romantic relationships, friendships etc. I know that time heals those wounds, but I don't know that time is going to heal this. Are there any donor conceived out there who have been in this situation and have made it to the other side? I would love to hear from you.

17 comments:

  1. I am sperm 'donor' conceived. I found my biological father but he also rejected me. I would like to invite you to join www.DonorChildren.com. I will add your blog to the www.DonorChildren.com/Resources page now. Keep it up!

    DonorChildren is a free social network for the 'donor' community. We're connecting the community, acting as a support network, as well as a significant resource for helping people collaborate and find their biological family. Creating groups significantly increases your chance for success! Thanks for sharing us with others. :)

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    1. I just realized who you are and you are a member! :P

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    2. Thanks Matt :) Going to send you a pm on facebook. IT's hard to keep up with all the usernames online.

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  2. Dear Ms. Kern, Thank you so much for your work. I just read about you today and am so excited that you are speaking out bravely. Although I had to cancel my attendance at this conference, I hope that you will be able to go. I think your presence is badly, badly needed at this moment in history. Please check it out. Thank you again for your work. http://www.iss.nl/research/conferences_and_seminars/periodic_conferences_debates_and_seminars/international_forum_on_intercountry_adoption_global_surrogacy/

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    1. Thank you so much for your encouraging words and support. :)

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  3. Hi, I'm a Culpeper-based reporter with LifeSiteNews.com hoping to interview your for a piece I'm doing on the children of surrogacy. Please contact me at kandersen at lifesitenews dot com at your earliest convenience if you're willing to be interviewed. I am also reaching out to you on Facebook, so check your "other" message folder. Thank you so much ...

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    Replies
    1. Hello, Sending an email to you now. Thank you

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  4. Interview *you.* Sorry for the typo!

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  5. Hello I am a search angel who helps separated families of all kinds find lost members and I am (seems like) the only one that has been vocal about helping families separated by parents who abandoned their children in accordance with the terms of private contracts for custody and control of their offspring like gamete donation/embryo donation/traditional surrogacy contracts.

    I do what I do for free out of love in my heart and a recognition of a horrible injustice that is being done to people and their family members.

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    1. Hello Marilynn,

      I was interested in connecting with you. I would love to put up a blog post with your information on it for other "donor" conceived people to be able to get in touch with you. My e-mail is jakiam83@gmail.com.

      Thank you,
      Jess

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  6. You said that you are not entitled to a relationship with anyone and I would like you to understand that your wrong. You are not an illogical person your sense of loss an anguish is justified. Everyone else whose parents are not surrogates and donors ARE ENTITLED to a legally documented recorded relationship with their biological parents and are entitled to their physical care and support while they are minors its the law - it has to be who else can minors rely upon for care if not the people who brought them into this world?

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  7. If your mother went through the adoptive process and formally relinquished you rather than abandoning you - then the system failed to protect you as a human being from being trafficked and sold by your biological mother. She could have and should have remained your mother responsible for raising you in conjunction with your father and his wife in her role as step mother. There was no need it did not serve you to be relinquished by her - she posed you no eminent danger and there was nothing wrong with her that she could not care for you. Such adoptions should not be allowed as they objectify the minor as property to be offloaded. Millions of families all around you had separated parents and step parents all ordered by the courts to cooperate with custody and support orders in the best interests of the minors at issue.

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  8. That's what you get for trying to force your way into another person's life. The woman just donated an egg, she did not consent to be a mother and that is where you went wrong. What is wrong with the life you have with your real parents, did something happen there? What if you were never told about the egg donation would you be still as unhappy as you are today. You can choose to have a pity party or get on with your life and go about experiencing all that the world has to offer and stop lamenting what might have been.

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    1. A surrogate mother carries the baby and gives birth to the child. We are biologically linked, even over more than two generations, as research in epigenetics is revealing. It is a real mourning for those who begin to grasp the loss, and while we must not let it rule us, there us still a true loss to be reckoned with. Even if a birth mother does not "consent" to be a mother, the real issues of genetic psychological biology cannot be ignored or denied. There is usually not a "right" solution to this, but it is grievous that consideration for a future being's mental and psychological welfare is neglected.

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  9. Surrogacy helps those women who do not able to born baby due to any reason or who do not want to disturb her life. To know more visit:www.surrogatedoctors.com.

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  10. If your mother went through the adoptive process and formally bad behave you - then the system failed to protect you as a human being . Many of ivf clinics in delhi are available for better treatement.

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  11. A very interesting post. I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. Such a complicated relationship. - www.threewaystobaby.com

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