Quote from the "Son of a Surrogate" Blog

Quote from the "Son of a Surrogate" Blog

It looks to me like I was bought and sold. You can dress it up with as many pretty words as you want. You can wrap it up in a silk freaking scarf. You can pretend these are not your children. You can say it is a gift or you donated your egg to the IM. But the fact is that someone has contracted you to make a child, give up your parental rights and hand over your flesh and blood child. I dont care if you think I am not your child, what about what I think! Maybe I know I am your child.When you exchange something for money it is called a commodity.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Letter to Senator Pilcher-Cook

Dear Senator Pilcher-Cook ,

I am writing to you today to thank you for the bill that you are introducing which would ban surrogacy in Kansas. I am a product of a traditional surrogacy, and support all bans on surrogacy.

Surrogacy is not in the best interest for children. My reasons for believing this are as follows.
  • Surrogacy is a great way to circumnavigate the home studies which are done for children of adoption. Meaning that there is no guarantee that the children being born are being ensured a safe home.
    • I myself lived in an abusive household, and was ultimately removed from the intended parents care just after turning 17. My reality, is that I don't have a relationship with my birth father, or adoptive mother, and they don't have a child. Surrogacy isn't a magic answer for creating families.
    • Peter Troung and Mark Newton a California couple who hired a Russian surrogate for $8,000.00 to start their family. Days after he was born they started sexually abusing, created distributed child pornography, traveled the world prostituting their son to a pedophile network. What Newton had to say when he and his partner were sentenced to 40 years in prison "being a father was an honor and a privilege that amounted to the best six years of my life". (This couple desperately wanted their child.)
  • The majority of all surrogacy is done with either donor egg or sperm. This means when we create children via this technology we are intentionally creating them to separate them from one or both biological parents. There has been much evidence within the world of psychology that shows the detrimental effects of separating a child from their biological parents.
    • A letter to mental health journal  by E Wellisch "...knowledge of and definite relationship to his genealogy is necessary for a child to build up his complete body image and world picture. It's an inalienable and entitled right of every person. There's an urge a call in everybody to follow and fulfill the tradition of the family, race, religion and community into which he was born" reason behind the letter was deprivation of this could develop into a stunting of emotional development. 
    • There is a primal wound, for both the child and the mother when the child is separated from their birth mother. Nancy Verrier wrote a book titled Primal Wound. (Here is a link to a blog by an adoptee who read the book, and her thoughts about it, and how the primal wound resonates with her http://adoptionvoicesmagazine.com/adoptee-view/adoptee-view-what-can-a-tiny-baby-know/#.UuW2N7ROnDc )
  • The children being born via surrogacy are not entitled to know the truth about their conception.
    • Many egg donor agencies don't keep donor information on file, so if the egg donor were to develop cancer years after donating her eggs she would not be able to let her offspring know that they need to be aware and have early screening done. Picture every time that you've been to the doctor's office and have had to fill out family medical history. Then, imagine that you get salt rubbed in the would every time because you don't have a right to this information. That the people who are protected in donor conception are only the adults involved and not the people created this way.
    • This is an excerpt about twin siblings from a traditional adoption who not knowing they were sibling married. The entire article can be found at http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/twin-brother-sister-marry-article-1.343118 Chris Atkins of the organization Adults Affected by Adoption said that although such cases are unusual, the attraction between the twins is not surprising. "There is a phenomenon called genetic sexual attraction," Atkins said, noting that people tend to be attracted to people with similar likes and dislikes, sense of humor and even looks. "That happens with people who are not related," she said. "If siblings meet who are not aware they are biologically related, to all intents and purposes they're going to think, 'This is my ideal match.' " The extraordinary case also could reignite a long-simmering debate in Britain over the right of adopted children to know the identity of their biological parents, the Evening Standard reported. "There will be more causes like this if children are not given access to the truth," said Prof. Lord David Alton, who uncovered the twins' case last month. (We as a society need to consider issues like these. Within surrogacy it is completely possible that you're using donor sperm. Within the U.S. There are no restrictions on sperm donors and the number of times that they can donate. What we're starting to see now are donor children who have siblings in the amount of triple digits. (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/06/health/06donor.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 Sperm donor with 150 children) (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2130814/The-man-fathered-1-000-children-Theyre-middle-class-living-Britain--idea-extraordinary-story-surrounding-birth.html fathered 1,000 children most who don't know their background) (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/23/kirk-maxey-father-of-400_n_401715.html Sperm donor who fathered 400 children, demanding regulation on sperm banks)
    • As someone who is active within the donor conceived community, a common thread that I see between my peers is that they're all curious about where they came from. I see so many people asking which donor registry communities they should go to in order to have the best odds of finding either their siblings or their biological parent.
  • This industry turns children into commodities. No one is entitled to have a child, children are blessings.
    • Quote from the "Son of a Surrogate" Blog

      It looks to me like I was bought and sold. You can dress it up with as many pretty words as you want. You can wrap it up in a silk freaking scarf. You can pretend these are not your children. You can say it is a gift or you donated your egg to the IM. But the fact is that someone has contracted you to make a child, give up your parental rights and hand over your flesh and blood child. I dont care if you think I am not your child, what about what I think! Maybe I know I am your child.When you exchange something for money it is called a commodity.

    • The basis of creating a creating children in surrogacy are contracts, lawyers and money. That's not in the best interest of children.
    • Due to the fact that the process to buy the child is costly, too many embryos often get transferred. This increases the instances of pregnancy with multiples. At the end of the day this means that we're seeing an increase in fetal reductions, because obviously it's high risk to the mothers to carry multiples.
    • Designer babies? want just boys? you do this by "creating a bunch of embryos and search for and destroy the female embryos" (Below are excerpts from an interview which is shared by The Center for Bioethics and Culture
      • LAHL: Who were your typical egg donors in the early days?
        KAY: Most of our donors were married moms, who had already had their children and wanted to make some extra money. Most of the donors had good intentions in wanting to help someone have a baby, but in all the years I did this work, I never met anyone who wanted to do it for free.
      • LAHL: What changes did you see happening with the patients (recipients) over the years?
        KAY: I saw a shift in the fertility patients who had become more demanding, wanting ‘designer babies’. I recall calling one woman who was using a surrogate and an egg donor to have a child. She was very picky about the women she wanted to use. One day, I was working on a Saturday, and I thought I’d found the perfect donor for her, so I called her. She said she was busy and asked if she could call me back in about 30 minutes. I explained that I wasn’t going to be available then so she said she’d get off the treadmill now so we could talk. I thought it was strange that she was so picky, but didn’t want to stop her exercise to discuss the egg donor I found for her. This was a child she so desperately wanted, but her exercise was her priority?
Surrogacy is also not in the best interest of women. The reason that we are not allowed to donate our organs (liver, kidney etc..) is that we understand that a huge sum of money negates the ability to make an informed decision. The money is motivating to ignore our mental and physical health, when it is a sum large enough to help improve our quality of life. But, surrogacy and egg donation are physically dangerous to the woman. We have no long term studies to show the effects of the massive amounts of hormones and such that a surrogate or egg donor need to take in order to ready themselves for a gestational surrogacy which allows clinics to tell these women that there is minimal risk. It is not because there aren't women who haven't lost their lives, reproductive ability that we can say that. It's because as an industry that's concerned with the bottom line of profit it doesn't behoove them to follow up.
Again, I thank you sincerely for proposing a ban on surrogacy. As a product of surrogacy I fully believe that this is in the best interest of children, women and families.


  1. What is with these people from a planet I would call pychopathics in denial.They the adoptors want a stepford wives world where no more women that can have love and raise children of their own .,Not asking for money or the time of day now that most all mothers (1st mothers know what kind of illegal shady business like clinics are advertised very tricky,.The only help they say they have is helping themselves to another womans baby,insame!!!!! that say free help,the same goes to surrocy but not ay all as the (surrogates have every right to protest) ALL surrogate clinicics and wherever they are black marketed take place ,it's easier for the monsters that do this to women ,leave her ,a real human baby arrives even with a spirit and soul yet ,many uneducated need the media ,I wish someone would make a blog then a book or movie ,this must get out as people do not know how to help or how,some do not know whay surrocy is,as the seniors would love to lnow about this and raise their voices like the 1st mothers.Excuse me but does a surrogate go through the same thing when old enough to be separated from it's mother? not sure having sperm or eggthats not supposed to be put in a women ,that is so wrong for the baby.The baby must have inherited some of the mothers blood and her dna say if it were from a man ,then the unrelated mother will have separation syndrome(Primal Wound) book for more......The baby will only take after it's two ,the donors without sex,at times the wife or spouse gets jealous tendousys.The baby suffers both ways of separation surrogacy and adoption,surrogacy are a lot more clinical.I think the Gays and Lesbians are more and more getting Lesbian women to either way donor to the womans womb .We are not allowed to speak about this ,it has to do with ALL People making babies,not reading up first will save heartache when the child,grows,os told where it came from ,never knowing it's real 1st parents as that was an old bill passed around a 100 iears.Everyone deserves the rights to know their 1real back ground and told early as when their of age ,they can and will want to see the world maybe after college or want to know things ,secret things,if told the truth at an age of curiosity ,it is time -like the birds and the bees. If lied to things might backfire and coercion or threats of cutting off inheritance or dis-own if they keep asking as ,many surrogate P"s carry secrets to the grave.They are all mostly happy when the 1st or real parents pass away,open acess is what adoptees are fighting for to get back what is illegal for anyone to have but the individual ,the adoptives allow the agencys to take over your who;e life,;ying as to your search of your 1st mother in adoption or the same access applies to the surrogacy children and adults.Wish someone would rename the word surrocacy(never makimg a fun of this name as 1st mothers are called birthmothers,birthdad .birthaunt .A ploy trick to separate the mother and baby even further.Wonder what name the adoptives will use to further the woman that actually was your mother,please this is my onw understanding ,what can I do to help as I am an activist and a 1st mother advocate for adoptees and surrogates and or( adoptees?)

  2. Hope you are able to make out what I wrote.Have GOT to make time to correct typos before even read ,so sorry .Promise not to write another Typo comment again..........Wish you the best,your so brave and you are the 1st one I have read about.Where have I been?

    1. I am able to make out what you've said :). This is a touchy topic, I also get passionate about it, and realize after the fact that my words jumbled too much!

    2. I greatly admire your courage. As a clinician of psychology, I have wondered what the children of assisted reproductive technology feel about being born to a surrogate mother only to be turned over to another for parenting. I know the impact this has on adopted children (my mother was adopted) and the pain is difficult to comprehend unless a person is in your shoes. To face the additional sorrow that your birth mother gave you up willingly is surely a knife being turned. I have a friend who was a surrogate and, while she felt it was a good thing at the time, she has since expressed sadness in giving her children up to someone else voluntarily, even though she was financially able to care for them. In her case, the children were her genetic children as well, so to lose her was a double loss for them.

      I have 8 children. I cannot imagine life without any one of them. You are not unreasonable in your response to your experience. I hope you find healing and peace, even if there is still residual pain.

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