Quote from the "Son of a Surrogate" Blog

Quote from the "Son of a Surrogate" Blog

It looks to me like I was bought and sold. You can dress it up with as many pretty words as you want. You can wrap it up in a silk freaking scarf. You can pretend these are not your children. You can say it is a gift or you donated your egg to the IM. But the fact is that someone has contracted you to make a child, give up your parental rights and hand over your flesh and blood child. I dont care if you think I am not your child, what about what I think! Maybe I know I am your child.When you exchange something for money it is called a commodity.

Monday, July 8, 2013

The common thread between all donor conceived

This year I've slowly been getting in touch with more and more people who like me are donor conceived. Where I see some of the most emotion rolling through is in the desire to know their biological parent.

I remember when I found my birth/biological mother, being asked several times by a person close to her what my motive was. What did I want from her. It strikes me that if I had been a product of a traditional adoption that it wouldn't even be a consideration, it would be understood why someone would want to know where they come from. I still feel so lucky that I did find my biological mom, and the whole family because in finding them I understand myself so much more clearly now. My heart goes out to my fellow donor conceived who have been looking and are still looking for their biological parents.

For any couples who are looking at sperm donation, or surrogacy and you feel that if you have a child through these modern technologies, I urge you to watch the Anonymous Father's Day DVD. It will show you that even in cases where a child is told early and often, it does not bring complete peace. The child will still desire to know their roots. The only thing that may mitigate is the trust issue that will develop when a product of donor conception finds out that they were lied to their whole life, by the people they should have been able to trust the most.

8 comments:

  1. Some unseen consequences are always there with everything. Still the surrogacy is supposed to be a wonderful option for couples who cannot conceive their own child.

    Surrogacy India

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    1. Unfortunately, to me it comes across that the unseen consequences are due to the fact that the industry is not interested in knowing the consequences. If one were to listen to the products of donor conception they feel that they have a right to know their biological and birth parents, in fact they may search a lifetime trying to find out that information. The risks to the egg donors and surrogates are considered minimal because there have been no long term studies done. If we as a society don't want to do things ignorantly and ignore the potential issues we need to look more in depth at the issues that Are there.

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  2. Hello Jessica

    I found your blog very interesting and also moving, I'm the father of a surrogate baby, would it be possible to contact you for a couple of questions, possibly on a private email address?
    I'm trying to do my best to minimize possible issues and consequences for my surrogate child and your experience and personal insight would really be helpful.

    My contact is daiandiamo@yahoo.com.au

    Thanks very much.

    Mark

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    Replies
    1. Hello Mark,

      I apologize for my late response. I would love to speak with you, I'll be sending you an e-mail momentarily.

      Thanks,
      Jess

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  3. Hello! I would also like to chat if you are welcoming of it. I carried a surro baby, but am not related to him. The fathers are raising him to know his donor and me. It was such an awesome experience and they have become part of our family. I would love to do it again but believe it would be irresponsible not to take your experience into consideration. Meorahvega@gmail.com

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    Replies
    1. I'm sorry for the extremely late response! I am sending you an e-mail now.

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  4. I know this is years later but yes adoptees are asked this as well very frequently "what exactly do you want?"
    People made decisions for us (adoptees and children of donors) and expected us to just accept their decisions as final.

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  5. I was an egg donor many years ago, twins were conceived by my donation.

    I'm upset because I wanted and planned to be an open donor but I believe the parents told me what I wanted to hear with no intention of ever telling the kids about me.

    I have been wondering if I should go around the parents and tell the kids anyway because I feel they have a right to know, to ask questions, and to have a second family that loves them if they want it.

    I wonder if you could go back into the dark, would you?

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